Howday. This is Professor Zypher, here to help YOU become one sexy, sexy man. While the task does seem daunting, and your flabby, ugly ass might think you are a hopeless case, with FIVE easy steps you can become the irresistable hunk you've always wanted to be! So let's begin!
1. Stop Being A Loser.
Now, many things can define a loser. To keep things simple, we shall define a loser as a dumb kid who has no real friends and spends all his time either jerking off or picking his nose unsure of what to do with himself. This can be remedied by getting out of the house, for christ's sake. If you already do get out of the house sometimes (going to Grandma's for cookies and a warm sweater doesn't count), then congrats on being slightly less pathetic than I assumed!
2. Why The Hell Do You Look Like That?
Sometimes I wonder whether people lack mirrors in their houses when I see kids wearing the silly out-of-fashion-since-about-30-years-ago clothes they wear today. So here's a suggestion: instead of having Daddy dress you in the morning, do yourself a favor and go out to buy some real clothes. Go get a haircut that doesn't make you look like you were raised in a closet. Do whatever it takes to fix whatever's wrong with your appearance, and you will instantly notice the improvement.
3. Find Something You're Good At, And Brag About It
Confidence is the name of the game here, and if you're a secluded dweeb who doesn't have any remarkable qualities then you'd be lucky to have anyone so much as bat an eye in your direction. Find some talents, and show off these talents to people. They'll be like "omg ur amazing" and "wow i wish i could do that" and you'll no longer be that creepy guy who stares at everyone.
4. Learn How To Get Your Groove On
In today's modern society, nothing quite brings two or more people together like bumpin' and grindin'. So find yourself a nice club, and go bust a move! As long as you do it right (read: not flail around like some kid with downs) the girls will be on you like the special sauce on a Big Mac.
5. If You Think It's Cool, It's Probably Not.
Face it, your collection of Winnie the Pooh books and Lifestyle magazines aren't going to impress anyone. You might be a unique fellow (some might prefer to call you a weirdo or, more likely, a total loser), but to talk to people who are interested in more popular things, it's obviously a good idea to become well versed in said popular things. I'm just as much of a "weirdo" as you guys (hell, I moderate an RPG Maker message board), but I can still talk to people about that new movie coming out on Sunday or the new skate park they built over on Jones Road.
And there you have it! Follow these 5 steps and you can become the man any girl (or guy !_!) will fall for. Good luck, and don't screw it up!
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2 comments:
Okay I did everything you said but I only got attention from my mom and not the one I was after, it ended in terrible moments that ruined my childhood.
Wassup /Z/?
Lifestyle magazines are trendy, they bring girls together during lunch break =)
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